Oh, my baby keeps crying nonstop. I don't know how to handle it.

Caring for a newborn is surely exhausting and trying. During the first few months after birth, a baby may feel distressed during her adjustment to the physical environment. She may use crying to express her needs. She may cry because of feeling hungry or having a wet nappy; or to indicate her discomfort due to excessive external stimulation such as too much noise or feeling too hot. She may cry when he feels lonely and needs company. Most obviously, she cries when she doesn't feel well or in pain. So you should try to figure out why she cries and respond promptly to her needs

But people say that the baby will be spoiled and becomes clingy if I pick her up whenever she cries.

Responding to baby's needs do not necessarily means picking her up. There are different means to meet baby's needs. The first thing is to check whether there is a specific reason, e.g. whether her diaper is wet, she is hungry or in discomfort. If it's not due to the above reasons, let your baby see your face and talk to her gently. Caress her, gently rock or hold her. You may play some soft music to her or swaddle her in a soft blanket to give her comfort and security. Baby's crying has the basic function of signaling needs. Through repeated observations and prompt responses, you will soon learn the meanings behind your baby's cries and identify her specific needs. By picking her up when she needs your soothing, you show yourself to be sensitive to her needs. The most important thing is when your baby is calm and alert, try to cuddle, play and talk with her. She will feel contented with your attention and learns that she will get this comfortable feeling when she is calm. She will feel your care and love. This will enhance a secure relationship between you. You will not be spoiling your baby.

Sometimes she cannot be soothed no matter what I try.

Every baby is different. Some babies get upset easily and take longer time to calm down when there are changes in the environment. Parents will be concerned whether the non-stop crying is due to the baby being ill or having the so-called colic. If you do worry that she is unwell with other signs like not feeding well or having a fever, you should bring her to the doctor. Besides following the advice from the doctor, you may try some of the suggestions below to manage the baby's non-stop crying:

• Keep calm and avoid being too worried and hurried. Doing too many things at the same time to the baby would only over-stimulate her and make her feel even more tense and uncomfortable.
• Be systematic. Try one method at a time. Note the procedure you use and the duration of the crying that follows. This helps identify effective ways to manage your baby's crying.

What methods can I try?

Apart from what we have just mentioned like talking to the baby, stroking, rocking, holding her gently, playing soft music to her or swaddling her in a soft blanket, it may help make a colicky baby feel better by holding her in an upright position, laying her on your shoulder and chest, rocking her and walking in a steady rhythmic position. Another way is to satisfy her need for sucking. You may breastfeed her while you are in a lying position. Let her suckle until she settles herself. In this way, you can also have a rest. You may also consider giving her a pacifier. For breastfed babies, offering a pacifier too early will cause nipple confusion. It is better to use it after one month of age. Some may find taking baby for a ride or a stroll, or carrying her in a sling on the chest useful too.

Well, I've got the methods. But when I'm wound up, I can't carry out any of them.

Taking care of a crying baby can be very tiring. When you feel exhausted, take a break and unwind the tension. Find someone to baby-sit for you. If you have no one to call on for help, put the baby in her cot or any other safe place and leave her there for a while. Attend to your own emotional needs first. Go back to your baby as soon as you feel better. Getting support from your family, relatives and friends can help you overcome the difficulties. Talk with other parents to learn about what they do. You may find some of the methods they have tried are feasible to you. You can also consult the healthcare personnel at the Maternal & Child Health centre or your family doctor.

Now I feel much better and more confident to take care of my baby after talking to you. Thank you.