Tantrums are very common in toddlers. They are very self-centred and they just want to get what they want immediately. Moreover, their ability to control emotions, to express and understand are still developing. Therefore, they often cry and act out what they feel.

So that's the characteristics of the toddlers. But my kid is already 5 and still behaves so. What should I do?

If children learn that they'll get what they want when they throw tantrums, they will continue to do it. Therefore, parents have to be firm in dealing with children's behaviour by being prompt in dealing with it, following through and be consistent in using a method, and all caregivers should use the same approach on the child. For instance, if your child throws tantrum when you refuse to buy her a toy, everyone in the family should be persistent even though she's screaming. Children will then learn that they can't use tantrums to get what they want whatsoever.

I see. What exactly should I do in dealing with her tantrums?

For mild and nonhurtful misbehaviour, such as crying, whining, casting objects, we may use 'planned ignoring', that is, ignore the child totally, not even look at or talk to her, until she stops. Once your child stops the misbehaviour, you can divert her attention to something interesting and praise her, such as, 'I like your being quiet.' or 'you can take out the toys all by yourself. That's great!' Remember, when you first use 'planned ignoring', your child may intensify her behaviour in order to draw back your attention. If you persist, your child will finally learn that she cannot draw your attention by throwing tantrums.

It sounds to be a good idea without me having to shout. However it's difficult to handle if people around are affected by her crying and screaming.

Always stay calm when we deal with children's misbehaviour. If the situation is embarrassing or disturbing to others around, or their misbehaviour is hurtful, we have to use other strategies. You should go near to the child and stop her immediately, and tell her what she should do, say, 'Speak in a gentle voice', showing her how to use appropriate behaviour to replace tantrums. If your child follows what you say, praise her immediately. If she continues to throw tantrums, use time out to let her learn the consequence of the misbehaviour and give her a chance to quiet down. Tell your child exactly what she did wrong so that she has to be put in time out. Time out is carried out by taking the child away to a corner or a room that is safe and has nothing interesting. The time out period should last for 1 to 5 minutes only, depending on the child's age. If the child is still shouting when the fixed time is up, she has to stay quiet for at least 1 minute before time out is over. Once time out starts, you and others in the family should leave the child without giving any attention to her. If situations do not allow you to leave, such as the child resists to comply, you may have to stay with her until she calms down but you should not talk to her or even look at her. When she can keep calm and time out is finished, let your child return to activity.

I have tried this before. It worked in the beginning but soon her tantrums come back.

That's right. One must need to practice these steps repeatedly to be able to work. More than that, we'd better prevent children from throwing tantrums by establishing ground rules and routines, making the day predictable to children by telling them what you would do and what you want them to do, arranging interesting activities to engage children and prevent them from making troubles, as well as finding chances to praise. When children grow up in a happy, stable and secure environment, undesirable behaviours will decrease.